I was asked to perform for veterans in Grapevine, TX, in a pavilion in a park, on father's day 2016.
I was asked by some members of the Denton County Veterans Coalition. (I have a feeling they wouldn't want to be named personally here given the response to the show I am about to describe, but I haven't asked)
I have sought help from them in the past, and at some point they asked me what I do, to which I responded: "I play music." They are actually a legitimate organization. When I got into a car wreck earlier this year, they bought me two months worth of bus passes to help me out. They do help veterans out when a lot of folks don't give a fuck. (cough cough, the VA)
When they asked me to play, I called them, and told them what I do. I told them I perform under the moniker 'Princess Haultaine III' and that I wear dresses while I perform. I told them that what I do musically is extremely far removed from mainstream music. I told them that I have actually wanted to do a military themed performance for a while, so I was actually interested in doing it. I just had to make sure they had some idea what they were getting themselves into.
I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
With the current state of the world, there are a lot of people that would hate me just for wearing a dress. Much less, potentially bigoted veterans.
But I have a message I want to convey to all of those that think America is something to be proud of, and there are a lot of veterans that are in denial that they served the whims of rich politicians in order to kill other poor people, for profit.
I, personally, said everything I needed to say at the pavilion that day, but I didn't get the cathartic musical release I usually associate with my PTSD, due to being told to turn down my noise every time I remotely got loud. Part of me wanted to just get loud anyways, but there were old people there with hearing aids in and apparently I was causing the hearing-aids to pop even with my amps set on 2. There were also little kids with sensitive ears in the audience.
I had been given the opportunity to remix some Big City Clits material recently, and upon doing so, I was finding the cathartic musical release I needed since leaving that pavilion feeling emotionally blue-balled. I asked Jesse if I could use it in the remix of the field-recording of that performance at the pavilion, and he agreed. I performed at the pavilion that Sunday with Daniel Ryan, and the performance was okay for being nothing more than dark ambient, but I need real, mangled chaos to match the inner chaos I feel when thinking about my military background, and how much it has affected the lives of so many people throughout our short history as a violent, greedy country.
So, the sounds of that shitty Toby Kieth song and some other song after it are really the songs the DJ in that pavilion was playing that day, before they introduced me. I left those parts of the recordings alone, aside from creating brooding, creeping noise to match how I felt waiting for my time to perform for these veterans that day. I also sampled Ween's 'I Got No Darkside' after I soundchecked.
In the raw field recording from the pavilion, it is hard to understand what I am saying for the most part, so I re-recorded the speech in my house, and layered it on top of the field recording. Parts of the speech are paraphrased thoughts expressed by Craig Wilson, with permission. Craig simply expressed some of my own stances in a much better way than I think I could. The statistical data was collected through google-searches.
The super chaotic noise near the middle through the end of this piece is the cathartic release I had intended to do in the pavilion, but instead did in my house for a more clear recording, utilizing Big City Clits spoken segments and various hardware and contact-mic'd junk to smash and abuse.
I was a complete fucking moron when I joined the military. My goal is to open minds to the fact that our politicians are greedy. Consider this more of a Public Service Announcement than art. I'm aware that most people who hear this are the choir to which I am preaching. But, if you know a younger person considering joining the military, maybe show them some of my recordings, so they can have a better chance of knowing what they are getting into before actually getting into it.
There came a time in my life where I realized that every single innocent person killed in the name of ignorance and greed was someone's best friend. They shared so many memories with others. Every single one of them. This realization has been the most crucial cause of my humanity and empathy towards others, as well as the most distressful realization I've had to date.
Fuck the american government.
released July 4, 2016
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